| I feel like I need to write or do something....this week has been hell.
First of all I will scream this so loud......I MISS HIM AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL. I try to stay off the subject of Rick. I guess it just makes it easier for me. Hell I don't really know. The 17th was his birthday and I can only imagine what it would have been like if he was here with us. I really hurt. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it and everyone seems to shelter me from it. I don't need to be sheltered. Maybe I'm not over it and I put on a smiling face every single day just so that I don't have to let the ppl I love know that I am in pain. Then there is Clay.....he has no idea what I'm going thru this week. I'm scared to tell him I'm dieing inside. I don't want him to think that I don't love him or that I'm not happy with him....bc that is not it at all. I'm rambling....sorry. I swear on everything that I picture Rick's face every day. I wonder all the time what r life would be like now if he was still here. That seems to help me smile thinking about the kid or kids we would have had. The Holiday's........that is just something that totally hurts me. I think about the last Christmas I had with him. We had so much fun.
Then there is his family who I totally adore. I love them all so much and I know that there all in pain and some at odds with one another. I pray for them everynite. I know I'm not the only one hurting and they hurt just as much as me if not more. I just pray that they all see each other as family and that Rick would always want them to get along and always remember that he loved them all very much. He would want them not to be upset with one another for any reason. I know this bc I feel him telling me like I should be the one fixing it all for Rick's family. That is something that I can't do but I can let them all know that I love them. Rick 's family is my family too and will always be apart of mine and Payton's life. I will confess that it is so hard to be around them. It brings back everything that I try to keep pushed in the back of my heart.....so that it will not show pain.....its hard to be with them and I know that I should spend more time with them....its just sooooooo hard. I could never explain it. But, I will always love them and I will always be there for them.
ALRIGHTY.....now my head hurts.
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| Well, Well, Well, haven't been on here in awhile...I probably lost all my friends..... . Just wanted to get on here and tell everyone everything is great. Going to school and working part time. Payton, Clay and Sadie girl are doing well. Payton started takin taekwondo....is that how you spell that shit??? idk...owell!!! He thinks he is a little power ranger. Its really funny. Well gotta get to class. Loves and Hugs everyone!!! Heather |
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| Hey guys....sorry I haven't been on in awhile. My computer at home sucks ass so I haven't really been gettin online. Tonight I thought I'd give it a go....lol. But its really just pissin me off. I hope that me bitchin about it enough I might ( just might) get a new one. So...I hope everyone is doing well. '
Everyone here is great. Payton.....ever so funny.....Clay...doin great.....Sadie...growin like a weed.
Loves and Hugs!!!
Heather |
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| Hey everyone!!! How was everyone's weekend? Well, I hurt my freakin toe...I think my toenail is gonna fall off.....ouch!!!! Jana came down to see me again....here is some pics.....
We had alot of fun!!!! To much really.....lol.
Its good to have friends you can just let loose with....I know I sure needed it!!! LOVES!!!!!!!!!! |
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